I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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