my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
