Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
