i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
