So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
