she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
