I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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