i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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