Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize