The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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