Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
