Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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