Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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