I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
