Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize