I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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