This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
