Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
