i think my tv is drunk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
