We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Will you blow on my dice?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
