I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize