So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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