dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
