also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
