I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
