I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Shame - the story of my life.
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