Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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