There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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