just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if only i could text you this smell
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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