none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
