I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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