WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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