My sheets look like a crime scene.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
