Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize