just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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