They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
