I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
