I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
