Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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