I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
