I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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