I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize