is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
