somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
