I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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