she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
