Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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