how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
