Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
