I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
