If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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