new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
