tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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