There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
