I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
where are my eyebrows?
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