And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
