Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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