fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
