my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
