the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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