Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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