kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
