A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
