Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize