I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
