is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sober January is a disaster.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
