I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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