Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
