and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sext me about skeletons
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
