There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
