haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
