Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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