i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
