Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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