i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
