Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
