I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
