My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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