Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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