I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
