oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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