Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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