I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
