dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
