It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
