So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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