I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
