Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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