I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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