Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
