ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
