Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
