Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
