He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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