i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Come see our sink grown plant.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
