Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
