i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
