Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
