You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
