walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize