i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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