I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
