Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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