I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
