i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
