Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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