before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
