why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
