So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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