3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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